Some Little Funnies


#1542

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

September 25, 2018

Louis Armstrong famously saw trees of green, red roses, too – marvels of nature that light up people’s lives and make them joyfully proclaim: What a wonderful world. His was a timeless song about the present, but also the future and a subtle hope that each new generation will be better off than the last. That’s how I feel about infrastructure.

  • KPMG Global Infrastructure chairman James Stewart at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland

#1543

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

September 27, 2018

Attorney: How much education do you have?
Defendant: About three semesters at Lon Morris Junior College.
Attorney: Do you remember giving your deposition in my office several weeks ago… do you remember me asking you about your education at that time?
Defendant: I think so.
Attorney: Do you remember your answer?
Defendant: I’m not sure.
Attorney: You stated you had a master’s degree in geophysics from The University of Texas, didn’t you?
Defendant: Yes, sir.
Attorney: Mr. Chappell, when you gave that answer, were you mistaken or was it just a barefaced lie?
Defendant: It was a barefaced lie.

  • actual courtroom testimony

#1544

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

September 30, 2018

2:20 p.m.: Reportedly, a small bald man on Mountain Meadow Road was screaming at another man who was attempting to tell him what to do.

  • police blotter item, The Flathead Beacon (Kalispell, Montana)

#1545

Unearthed-HoorayForFall-1409-1-web


#1546

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

October 1, 2018

BABY CHANGING STATION

MAX. WEIGHT LIMIT 250 LB.

  • sign in a women’s restroom, Los Angeles

#1547

Well I guess we know where all the big babies go. :baby:


#1548

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

October 4, 2018

What do you call Puerto Rico? Is it a state? Is it a country? I know it’s not a planet.

  • Kansas City Royals commentator Rex Hudler

#1549

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

October 6, 2018

I think she’s worth about seven million [dollars], which means she’s really poor.

  • Brandon Davis, grandson of billionaire Marvin Davis, on actress Lindsay Lohan

#1550

zoom


#1551

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

October 8, 2018

YOU INFORMS THE KIND CLIENTELE THAT THE RECEPTION

IT HAS BEEN BEING TO HER TIMES TO DISPOSITION FOR MONDAY TO SATURDAY FROM THE HOURS 9.00 TO HER TIMES 21.00

THE SUNDAY FROM HOUSE 9.00 TO HER TIMES 13.00

  • hotel sign, Italy

#1552


#1553

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

October 9, 2018

Tech Support: What browser are you using?

Caller: I used to have Mozzarella, but now I’m using Wirefox.

  • actual tech support call

#1554

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

October 10, 2018

Q: Does the relative for rain to occur?

A: In order for rain to in the clouds it does, but at the ground it does not.

  • syndicated weather trivia question appearing in a newspaper

#1555

“Lol, what is WRONG?”


#1556

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

October 11, 2018

Family Feud host Richard Dawson: Name a question such as “How old are you?” ----
Contestant #1 (cutting him off): Eighteen.
Dawson (turns to the board): Eighteen. [buzzer sounds] No.
Contestant #1: I’m not eighteen
Dawson: You certainly fooled me. I’m going to read the entire question. Name a question such as “How old are you?” that you might answer with a lie.
Contestant #2: I would say fifty. [buzzer sounds] Did I understand it right?
Dawson: No, sweetheart. Okay. (To third contestant): Give me another sort of question that you might lie about.
Contestant: I would say I’m thirty-nine.


#1557

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

October 14, 2018

100% Acrylic — Made in Turkey

DON’T WRAP AROUND YOUR NECK TOO TIGHT
OR YOU MIGHT STOP BREATHING

  • label on a scarf

#1558

snoopy-27172985


#1559

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

October 17, 2018

So we have chosen a system where one has to pay a little less than we used to. That is what we have chosen and this consequently means that those who earn more and pay a lot and now pay a little less, well, they then pay more less than those who earn a little less and pay less, but then pay less less.

  • Danish politician Lars Løkke Rasmussen

#1560

Makes PERFECT sense! :stuck_out_tongue:


#1561

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

October 18, 2018

I don’t have a book coming out, that’s a rumor. I don’t read or write.

  • reality TV personality Courtney Stodden