AN Forums

Some Little Funnies


#1582

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

November 30, 2018

The defendant said that prior to the offense, he’d hoped to become a physician. But he believes that with a felony conviction, he will be precluded from achieving that goal. So he is now considering becoming a lawyer.

  • from court transcripts

#1583


#1584

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

December 6, 2018

SANDBERG FUNERAL AND CREMATION SERVICES
Stop in for our Open House on Dec. 10th from 10am-3pm
& take in the aroma of the Holiday Season!

  • funeral home ad

#1585

To paraphrase Apocalypse Now:
“I just love the smell of burnt flesh in the morning, It smells like Christmas!”


#1586

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

December 7, 2018

TO HELL WITH THE ALIMO
REMBER PERL HORBER

  • painted on the back of a car

#1587

Shrimp on the barbie, eh? Movies can bet for the best of spirit but those were bad times, a lesson to be learned no doubt


#1588

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

December 10, 2018

This Christmas we want the lobby to be beautiful for our customers so we’re placing placentas at each window position.

  • postal supervisor to window clerks during a morning staff meeting (when someone suggested she meant “poinsettias”, she haughtily replied that she had said exactly what she meant.)

#1589

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

December 11, 2018

Cell phone store sales clerk: Here is your new phone, and here is the box. Inside you’ll find the USB cable, wall adaptor, and an SD card.
Customer (looking in box): Um, there is a mistake. I got an 8GB SD card when it should have been a 2GB card.
Clerk: Well, that’s excellent! That saves you some money!
Customer: No, it doesn’t! I’m being ripped off! [The cell phone company] thinks that we customers are so stupid and we don’t check to make sure we are getting everything that’s supposed to be included. Well, I’m not stupid. I always check the box to make sure the aren’t trying to trick me!
Clerk: Would you like me to give you a 2GB SD card instead of the 8GB card?
Customer: Obviously! Fool me once!

  • overheard in a cell phone store

#1590

Lawdy, that’s a smart one there!


#1591

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

December 14, 2018

Heart Breakfast Radio DJ Dixie: It’s like a bigger, fiercer bee.
Caller: Uh, spider?
Dixie: No, it still flies and it’s yellow and black.
Caller: Swan.

  • during an on-air quiz segment

#1592

Having lived in the South… yea, would’ve responded differently.


#1593

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

December 16, 2018

If your fridge is full this Christmas, use nature’s fridge – your car!

  • newscaster Anthea Turner, GMTV (UK)

#1594

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

December 19, 2018

Not-to-be-missed is the ever-popular barnyard where a manager will be on display with animals nearby.

  • in a newspaper article

#1595

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

December 20, 2018

RELIGION FREE DVD PLAYER

  • sign in store

#1596

Does that mean it doesn’t come with a tray? SOLD!


#1597

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#1598

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#1599

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#1600

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

December 23, 2018

Q: Which of your records do you think you’ll cherish most after you retire from football?
Wide receiver Steve Largent: Probaby the Beatles’ White Album.

December 25, 2018

We are really quite lucky this year because Christmas falls on Christmas Day.

  • soccer manager Bobby Gould

December 26, 2018

Starring: Benedict Compaq Buchan

  • subtitle on a bootleg copy of 12 Years a Slave

#1601

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

December 29, 2018

At the finish, it was all over.

  • boxing announcer Jim Watt