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Some Little Funnies

#1622

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

February 4, 2019

I dislike collecting, but when I buy shoes, I buy twenty pairs so I can have them in all my houses, and when I buy a T-shirt, I buy eighty.

  • designer Philippe Starck
2 Likes

#1623

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

February 10, 2019

Fighter pilot: They’re all over me!
Subtitle on screen: He is in my behind!

  • from the bootleg copy of Star Wars: Episode III – Revenge of the Sith
2 Likes

#1624

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

February 11, 2019

AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT

  • on the bottle top of a flavored milk drink (UK)
3 Likes

#1625

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

February 12, 2019

Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposingly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

  • in an eighth-grade essay
3 Likes

#1626

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

February 15, 2019

IF YOU NEED TO SHOE,
PLEASE SEND SHOES
TO THE SHOE IN.

instructions found at a hotel, Wuhan, China

2 Likes

#1627

I believe the old woman who lived in a shoe made reservations there.

2 Likes

#1628

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

February 17, 2019

CAUTION:
FIRE IS HOT

  • sign around outdoor restaurant fire pit
4 Likes

#1629

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

February 19, 2019

I’m the oldest I’ve ever been, right now.

  • MMA fighter and UFC Champion Tim Sylvia
3 Likes

#1630

original

4 Likes

#1631

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

February 21, 2019

Eleven National City police officers were caught cheating on a promotion exam. However, no disciplinary action was taken against them, because they had not been specifically instructed not to cheat.

  • from the Los Angeles Times
2 Likes

#1632

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

February 23, 2019

ANOTHER BROOM SNAPPED IN HALF IN DERBYSHIRE VILLAGE

  • headline, Derbyshire Times (UK)
2 Likes

#1633

Someone doesn’t like witches. :grin:

2 Likes

#1634

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

February 24, 2019

Caprito Ai Forno – Piece from leg of the female kid baked in the oven. Served with broccoli garlic and oil and potatoes ashamed ashamed po.

  • menu item, Brazil
2 Likes

#1635

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

February 26, 2019

Woman: I want to report a missing person. I haven’t been out to check on him for five hours, but I went outside… and he’s gone.
999 (British 911) operator: Who’s gone?
Woman: My snowman. I thought that with it being icy and there not being anybody about, he’d be safe.

2 Likes

#1636

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

February 27, 2019

Say “eye yam stew peed” 4 times fast y’all gotta try this lol somebody jus got me

  • tweet by basketball player Dwight Howard
2 Likes

#1637

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

March 7, 2019

The Chase host Bradley Walsh: Asteroid 4238 Audrey is named after which Hollywood actress?
Contestant: Kim Basinger.

2 Likes

#1638

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

March 12, 2019

MAN WITHOUT ARMS DENIED HOUSING LOAN DUE TO INABILITY TO PROVIDE FINGERPRINTS

  • headline, China News website
3 Likes

#1639

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

March 16, 2019

Caller: A deer just swam across the river behind my house.
911 operator: And…?
Caller: Well, I’m worried it might be cold.

3 Likes

#1640

1fd7745a43b80836d89549b9e11919

2 Likes

#1641

365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

March 19, 2019

FOR SALE
2005 S2000 Convertible
6-Speed, Faster than a porch

  • used car ad
3 Likes