[quote]I don’t think women care about that stuff. As long as there is a laundry room, a kitchen and cleaning utensils, they’ll be happy!
Slick[/quote]
Obviously, you are looking for the wrong kind of woman.
I have no need for any of these things since the last time I did laundry, the whites came out blue… I can’t cook to keep myself alive… and cleaning utensils? What the heck are those for? :unsure:
I think what you are really looking for is some sort of Butler/Cook combo. Look it up in the Yellow Pages.
Fenknight wrote:
You need better reading material. Have you tried Dr. Seuss?
It was a Ruth Rendell book Simisola, a very boring and long winded book which if you cut out all of the pointless stuff would only have been a fifth of the size.
[quote]I don’t think women care about that stuff. As long as there is a laundry room, a kitchen and cleaning utensils, they’ll be happy!
Slick[/quote]
Obviously, you are looking for the wrong kind of woman.
I have no need for any of these things since the last time I did laundry, the whites came out blue… I can’t cook to keep myself alive… and cleaning utensils? What the heck are those for? :unsure:
I think what you are really looking for is some sort of Butler/Cook combo. Look it up in the Yellow Pages.
[/quote]
Ok, I was only joking(I think you knew that). As for the cleaning utensils, that would be mops, brooms, etc…
Slick
I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
There is great need for a sarcasm font.
How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
Was learning cursive really necessary?
Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I’m pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t at least kind of tired.
Bad decisions make good stories.
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don’t want to have to restart my collection…again.
I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
“Do not machine wash or tumble dry” means I will never wash this – ever.
I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?
I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day “Mom what would happen if you ran over a ninja?” How the hell do I respond to that?
I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite’s than Kay.
Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
I’m always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What’d you do after I didn’t answer? Drop the phone and run away?[/quote]
I agree with these three the most.
Especially that last one, what’s up with that? Was I a wrong number? Are you dead? Are you now in the ditch, your car slowly filling with water? (I can imagine quite a bit)
[quote]8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. [/quote]
I agree with these two the most. I’m always curious as to how the person died. The freezer is cold and I want to find what I want and get out of there ASAP…when it’s dark and I can’t find what I want, then it’s cold.
My guess, is that 10% of people listed in the obituaries is due to hypothermia caused by the freezer.
When a car skidded on wet pavement and struck a telephone pole, several bystanders ran over to help the driver. A woman was the first to reach the victim, but a man rushed in and pushed her aside. “Step aside, lady,” he barked. “I’ve taken a course in first-aid!”
The woman watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. “Pardon me,” she said. “But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”
I’ve heard of circumstances such as this, granted it wasn’t a gender related issue in those instances but the same stupidity was there. The one instance I remember best was at a cow show and girl in the arena was showing her heifer when the animal became spooked, knocked the girl to the ground and trampled her. My father (who is a trained EMT) was watching the show and raced over to the girl. He was not the first person to the girl but those that were moved aside (they knew my father and of his training) to let him see to the girl - except for one woman. Dad politely asked her to move and she said no and that she was a doctor. My father asked what she was trained in. Her answer - dentistry. To this day I still facepalm over it.
[quote]
The woman watched for a few minutes, then tapped him on the shoulder. “Pardon me,” she said. “But when you get to the part about calling a doctor, I’m right here.”[/quote]
What a horrible doctor, letting the victim suffer for minutes before offering assistance. Rather than jumping to action, she just had to idle around so that she could prove a point. I think you can get your license revoked for that crap.
I am very curious about this future, of course I am also curious about death, so I guess resist the death curiousity long enough to see that future, of course the me thats writing this will have long since died.
Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometers since the last oil change.
Drink a cup of coffee, read free paper.
15 minutes later, pay bill leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
Oil Change: $40.00
Coffee: $2.00
Total: $42.00
Oil Change Instructions for Men:
Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $50.00.
Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40, drive home.
Open a beer and drink it.
Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
Find jack stands under caravan.
In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
Place drain pan under engine.
Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
Give up and use crescent wrench.
Unscrew drain plug.
Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Curse and swear.
Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
Have another beer while watching oil drain.
Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.
Cleverly, hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
Dump first liter of fresh oil into engine.
Remember drain plug from step 11. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
Drink beer.
Discover that first liter of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.
Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
Begin swearing fit.
Throw stupid crescent wrench.
Beer.
Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
Beer.
Dump in five fresh liters of oil.
Beer.
Lower car from jack stands.
Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
Beer.
Test drive car.
Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
