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Things to Ponder


It’s actually more complex than you would have expected:

Starting with the US Revolutionary War there was very little difference between US English and British English.

In England proper local usage of English began to evolve what we now think of as an “English” accent when the general population began to mimic how the aristocratic class sounded.

In the US local English began to change under the influence of successive waves of immigrants leading to it’s own distinctive style.

From what I’ve read on the subject modern US English, changed though it has over time, is actually closer to the common English pronunciation of the 18th century than modern British English is.

Mark Gosdin


If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?


Of course. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:



How can a SLIM CHANCE and a FAT CHANCE be the same, while a WISE MAN and a WISE GUY are opposites?


If someone has a mid-life crisis while playing hide and seek, does he automatically lose because he can’t find himself?


One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor…

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of ear-rings, why don’t they wear a pair of bras?


Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.


Why are they called ‘Jolly Ranchers’? Who said that the ranchers were jolly?

If a baby’s leg pops out at 11:59PM but his head doesn’t come out until 12:01, which day was he born on?

What is a picture of a thousand words worth?

Why is it that when we “skate on thin ice”, we can “get in hot water”?


If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?


Quicksand works slowly.

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?


[details=Common Phrases Correctly]


I look at this list and already know I get some of these wrong.


So, if my Fitbit tracks my steps by sensing the motion… if I put it on my cat, would he be taking twice as many steps since he has four legs?


But his legs are only about a 10th as long as your legs, so it might register as only 1/5 as many steps. :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

Mark Gosdin



You have a lot of brain hurts today! I think we need to stock up on band-aids!

As for the cat, I think that would be a great experiment. Try it! And if he doesn’t act like you’re killing him, you may get some interesting results.


Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.

If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

Why do people go to Burger King and Order a Double Whopper with a Large French Fry and insist on getting a Diet Coke?

Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “asteroids”?

:arrow_up: Give the guy some space first.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

When I’m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.


And whose cruel idea was it to put an “S” in the word “Lisp”?

Did Washington just flash a quarter for his ID?

"I am " is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do " is the longest sentence?

If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?

What do people in China call their good plates?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?


A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is it that people say they “slept like a baby” when babies wake up like every two hours?