Some Little Funnies

Nah, the just punched the “Skip” button back in April.

Mark Gosdin

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365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

November 10, 2021

The barbarian seated himself upon a stool at the wenches side, exposing his body, naked save for a loin cloth brandishing a long steel broad sword.

  • from The Eye of Argon by Jim Theis (often called the worst fantasy novel ever written)
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Example #1 of why a good editor is worth their weight in gold.

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365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

November 25, 2021

Customer: I pay for a 24/7, 365-day contract and you’re closed just because it’s Thanksgiving.
Cable company phone support: Actually, we’re not closed. You and I are talking on the phone right now.
Customer: I think I should get a credit or something free because you’re not open
Support: But we are open.
Customer: Well, I’ve wasted my time calling if you’re open because you’re supposed to be closed. How are you going to compensate me?
Support: Okay. So you’re calling on a day that you think we’re closed to complain that we’re closed in an attempt to get something for free, but when you realize we’re open, the exact think you wanted, you want to complain and get something for free because you wasted your time calling to complain about something that didn’t happen?
Custome: YES!

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365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

December 6, 2021

Customer: What deals on flat screens larger than 40 inches do you have right now?
Salesperson: Well, we have this Samsung 40-inch and Sony 52-inch on special right now.
Customer: How much is that larger TV?
Salesperson: $1,000, but just during the three-day sale.
Customer: If I buy three, can I get them for $1,500?
Salesperson: No sir, I can’t. The prices are fixed.
Customer: But I’m giving you a lot of business here!
Salesperson: Yes, but we’d be losing money if I sold you three flat screens for half price.
Customer: Okay, so what type of deal can you give me?
Salesperson: I can sell you three of the 52-inch ones for $3000.
Customer: Great! It’s a deal!

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365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

December 20, 2021

JOHNNIE WORKER
RED LABIAL
OLD SCOTCH WHISKEY

  • label on a knockoff whiskey, Japan
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365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

December 10, 2021

Suspicious circumstances - A woman called police Friday morning when she heard banging on her door. She said when she screamed, the person left. Police checked the area and were unable to locate any suspects. They did, however, locate a UPS package on the front porch.

  • in a police blotter report
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santa

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365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

December 25, 2021

While shepherds
washed their socks
by night,

All seated on the
ground…

  • misheard Christmas carol
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365 Stupidest Things Ever Said Page-A-Day Calendar

December 27, 2021

When Rodgers throws the ball, he uses his hand and finishes by letting go of the ball, with his hand.

  • sportscaster Jason Witten during a San Francisco-Green Bay football game
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