The Outlander Memorial Thread

The Outlands
2088

This may be to graphic for some viewers!!!

Ok, I know its not because men have to pee in the morning or that’s it from their x-rated dreams, so my question is why do men get morning wood?

1 Like
2089

[quote=AnimeAngel]
This may be to graphic for some viewers!!![/quote]

I have to say I am rather curious to see what the response to this one is going to be :unsure:

1 Like
2090

[quote=AnimeAngel]
This may be to graphic for some viewers!!![/quote]

knows the answer but patiently awaiting the OPs answer

1 Like
2091

It’s because we know what women want.

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2092

[quote=fillet]
It’s because we know what women want.[/quote]

Really, I thought it was used as a kickstand so you don’t fall off the bed

1 Like
2093

http://img706.imageshack.us/img706/7089/panty4.png

Well, I googled it and this is what it says in Wikipedia

“morning erection that is naturally caused as the brains enters the REM-deep sleep phase. At this stage, the body’s skeletal muscle structure relaxes and causes hypervasodilation in the capillaries of the body, resulting in said erection.”

Gosh! And here I thought it was a man’s way of saying “Good Morning” to me!

1 Like
2094

http://img714.imageshack.us/img714/2590/panty5.jpg

Here are some of my personal observations about men…

  • Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.
  • Men like to barbecue. Men will cook if danger is involved.
  • Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little
    bit of freedom.
  • Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
  • If it’s attention you want, don’t get involved with a man during play-off season.
  • Men like phones with lots of buttons. It makes them feel important.
  • The way a man looks at himself in a mirror will tell you if he can ever care about anyone else.
  • All men are afraid of eyelash curlers. Stocking sleeps with one under her pillow, instead of her sword.
  • Men love watches with multiple functions. My friend’s husband has one that is a combination address book, telescope and piano.
  • All men hate to hear “We need to talk about our relationship.” These seven words strike fear in the heart of even General Schwarzkopf.
  • Men are sensitive in strange ways. If a man has built a fire and the last log does not burn, he will take it personally.
  • Men don’t get cellulite. God might just be a man.
  • Men have an easier time buying bathing suits. Women have two types: depressing and more depressing. Men have two types: nerdy and not nerdy.
  • Women take clothing much more seriously than men. I’ve never seen a man walk into a party and say “Oh, my God, I’m so embarrassed; get me out of here. There’s another man wearing a black tuxedo.”
  • Most men hate to shop. That’s why the men’s department is usually on the first floor of a department store, two inches from the door.
  • If a man prepares dinner for you and the salad contains three or more types of lettuce, he is serious.
  • Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE twice, voluntarily.
  • Most women are introspective: “Am I in love? Am I emotionally and creatively fulfilled?” Most men are outrospective: “Did my team win? How’s my car?”
  • If a man says, “I’ll call you,” and he doesn’t, he didn’t forget…he didn’t lose your number…he didn’t die. He just didn’t want to call you.
  • Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. “Get out” and “I never want to see you again” might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, “I love you…I want to marry you…I want to have your children.” Sometimes they leave skid marks.
  • Impulse buying is not macho. Men rarely call the Home Shopping Network.
  • Men don’t feel the urge to get married as quickly as women do because their clothes all button and zip in the front. Women’s dresses usually button and zip in the back. Women need men emotionally and sexually, but we also need men to help us get dressed.
  • Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with superheros. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
  • When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk.
1 Like
2095

Dear Panty,

I am awesome, at least that’s what my Emmy Awards lead me to believe so, why is it that I am unable to find a man?

-A Golden Gal

1 Like
2096

[quote=PretearHimeno]
Dear Panty,

I am awesome, at least that’s what my Emmy Awards lead me to believe so, why is it that I am unable to find a man?

-A Golden Gal[/quote]

Wear a football uniform and carry around a power drill. I’m sure you will find someone, maybe one that still has his own teeth

Panty

http://img600.imageshack.us/img600/3456/panty6.png

1 Like
2097

Dear Panty –

Now that you’ve reached one thousand, how do you get rid of those clingy lovers that never want to leave you?

1 Like
2098

[quote=LadyOfWicca]
Dear Panty –

Now that you’ve reached one thousand, how do you get rid of those clingy lovers that never want to leave you?[/quote]

http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/7493/pantystockingwithgarter.jpg

Ignore HimI think that ignoring someone is the slowest and cruelest way to get rid of them. Even though this guy got on my nerves, I still feel horrible about the way I treated him. but if you know me, it was just for a second. All I had to do was tell him one time that I was not interested. this my preferred method. You can always try the opposite: smother him. Call him non-stop. Write him love letters. Send him flowers. Show up at his job, just because you “had to see him.” This is likely to work well on guys who are afraid of commitment. However, be aware that it could just make your guy think you’re ready to take the relationship to the next level!

**Ask Him to Marry You!**If you want to really freak out your guy and take a step toward gender equality at the same time, ask him to marry you! Get down on one knee and propose, preferably in public. This method is only a good idea if you’re in a relationship where the possibility of marriage if simply absurd. Otherwise, you could end up engaged!

A slightly more subtle version of the same method is to leave marriage magazines and books lying around where your man will see them. If you’re really evil, start talking about all the babies you guys should have together. Again, there’s always a chance this could backfire. After all, any guy would be lucky to have tons of babies with you!

Stop Getting Pretty for HimNothing turns on a man quicker than no makeup, unwashed hair, body odor, unshaven legs, and baggy clothing. Try making yourself look as unattractive as possible for the next few dates, and see if your man doesn’t run the other way. This tactic requires a certain amount of self-confidence, as you’ll have to go out in public looking like, well, crap. This would be hard for me becauce…well…just look at me

As a last resort, just pull out your Panty-Pistol and just shoot him.

-Panty

1 Like
2099

Thanks Panty! I think your final suggestion is by far the best one!

1 Like
2100

UNDERSTANDING MEN

  • "IT’S A GUY THING"
    Translated: “There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical.”
  • "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
    Translated: “Why isn’t it already on the table?”
  • “UH HUH,” “SURE, HONEY,” OR "YES, DEAR"
    Translated: Absolutely nothing. It’s a conditioned response.
  • "IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
    Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
  • "I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT’S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
    Translated: “That girl standing on the corner is a real babe.”
  • "TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU’RE WORKING TOO HARD."
    Translated: “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.”
  • "THAT’S INTERESTING, DEAR."
    Translated: “Are you still talking?”
  • "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
    Translated: “I remember the theme song to ‘F Troop’, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I’ve ever owned, but I forgot our anniversary.”
  • "I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES."
    Translated: “The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe.”
  • "OH, DON’T FUSS - I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT’S NO BIG DEAL."
    Translated: “I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I’m hurt.”
  • "I CAN’T FIND IT."
    Translated: “It didn’t fall into my outstretched hands, so I’m completely clueless.”
  • "WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
    Translated: “What did you catch me at?”
  • "I HEARD YOU."
    Translated: “I haven’t the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t spend the next three days yelling at me.”
  • "YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
    Translated: “I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse.”
  • "YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
    Translated: “Oh, please don’t try on one more outfit, I’m starving.”
  • "I’M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
    Translated: “No one will ever see us alive again.”
1 Like
2101

Perfect! You are very wise and all-knowing Panty! :slight_smile:

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2102

http://img716.imageshack.us/img716/8748/imagesca0crfif2011.jpg

I need a real man

Where’s Fillet or Redshirt when you need them?

1 Like
2103

It seems appropriate.

1 Like
2104

Well, I’m here.

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2105

Dear Panty,

The saying “The way into a man’s heart is through his stomach”, has it been accurate with your experiences? Though, are you after a man’s heart or something else?

1 Like
2106

PAnty, I feel the urge to point out the ethics of using gender based heckling. Things like man up, and what not. Isn;t that biscally sexist commentary. I’ve seen women do incredibly “masculine” things and what not

1 Like
2107

[quote=redshirt1]
Dear Panty,

The saying “The way into a man’s heart is through his stomach”, has it been accurate with your experiences? Though, are you after a man’s heart or something else?[/quote]

http://img8.imageshack.us/img8/8554/panty7.png

LOL! Something else…l

BTW, I have been looking for you. I need you to perform a service (Lurid Grin)

1 Like