:laugh: Gimme a can of Chewin’ Ham.
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Scandal Rocks School
by Tsukune Aono
The student body was shocked today when it became public that Kaori has taken out a restraining order against Kimura her homeroom teacher. We were able to get an interview with Kaori on why she felt the need to do this.
“What made you take such action against your homeroom teacher?”
“He had become obsessed with me. For example he insisted on calling my by the nickname of Kaorin no matter how many times I ask him to stop.”
“That does not sound that bad.”
“He also planted a flower garden on the campus with both our names on it. Also everyone knows he only teaches here to be around High School girls. He gives me the creeps the way he looks at me. I also believe I was put in his class by his request.”
“Has he done anything illegal?”
“No, but I’m scared it’s just a matter of time.”
“What are the terms of the order?”
“He must transfer me to another homeroom class. Must stay 50 meters away from me at all times and make no attempt to communicate with me.”
We decided to talk to some other students about what they thought of Kimura and if he was a danger to the female students. For their privacy we have kept their names anonymous.
“This guy is a creep. He actually asked me for water from the pool I swam in.”
“When asked why he was a teacher he actually admitted in class because he liked High School girls.”
“When we came out of the changing room for swim class he was waiting there to stare at us.”
“Every sport fest that guy was way to obsessed with our bloomers.”
“He tricked me into hugging him by wearing a costume. I still have nightmares.”
We also found proof of him neglecting his duties as a teacher to harass the swim classes. Off the record talk with faculty showed many were concerned with his actions. Several were afraid one day something would happen that would involve the police.
All attempts to get a comment from the Principals office have been ignored. We can only hope that this serious issue will not be ignored by the administration.
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[quote=Newshawk]
[quote=YemeniLuigi]
[quote=redshirt1]
Uh, Outlander, Halloween for adults is dressing in the skimpiest, sexiest costume you can get away with and going to more adult oriented parties. Kids can bother you there nor knock on your door if you got proper security in place. Praise the Lord…[/quote]
Kids CAN’T bother you there. . .sorry, grammar Nazi habbits. . .[/quote]
Making a “Grammar Nazi” post with habits spelled “habbits” (sic)… you deserve this:
Lol well I’m not perfect. I make mistakes too you know. I sometimes press a key twice by accident.
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[quote=YemeniLuigi]
Lol well I’m not perfect. I make mistakes too you know. I sometimes press a key twice by accident.[/quote]
Well, its obvious you don’t proof-read
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Send her to hell!
It had been a long day but it was finally almost midnight. He would finally be able to get Hell Link to load and send her to hell. She had driven him mad for so long with her voice. At first he loved her voice. It was the voice of an angel and he wanted to hear it all the time. He would call her but she refused to talk to him. She even changed her number. Now she must pay for her rejection of him.
Yes, Hell Link is loading. He was nervous as he typed in her name “Mamiko Noto.” Seemed almost to easy to send someone to Hell by clicking submit and with a simple click it was done.
He was startled when a girl in a school uniform appeared behind him. With a shocked voice he asked “Are you Hell Girl?”
An angry expression on her face she walked up to him and much to his surprise slapped him hard across the face “Not funny!” before walking through a door leading into a strange red colored landscape.
With a shrug of his shoulders he wondered if she was an anime fan.
Can anyone guess why Hell Girl was mad without using the internet?
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[quote=Haissan]
[quote=YemeniLuigi]
Lol well I’m not perfect. I make mistakes too you know. I sometimes press a key twice by accident.[/quote]
Well, its obvious you don’t proof-read[/quote]
Yeah, I kinda got that yesterday. . .
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[quote=ShawnMerrow]
Can anyone guess why Hell Girl was mad without using the internet?[/quote]
Isn’t that the Japanese VA for Hell Girl?
I remember that thread, Outlander. It was a good thread.
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[quote=Slowhand]
[quote=ShawnMerrow]
Can anyone guess why Hell Girl was mad without using the internet?[/quote]
Isn’t that the Japanese VA for Hell Girl?
Correct. 
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http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/6702/smartcorgi.png
I have been spending an inordinate amount of time thinking about dogs, St. Bernards mostly. The reasons for this are numerous, but largely deal with the fact that gigantic dogs are humorous. Some will tell you small dogs are more funny, but I say to them: there are no small dogs. Small dogs are, in my opinion, mislabeled cats. I exclude puppies, of course, because they are by circumstances of time and nature small, thankfully only temporarily. I also exclude corgis, because I think they are actually mythical creatures misclassified by inept scientists unwilling to admit the existence of magic and true wonder.
For the past year or two the St. Bernard has mesmerized me. I have been hypnotized thinking about their role as heroes in the Alps, taking life-saving alcohol to alcoholics lost in the mountains. The mere notion of a dog with a small barrel containing alcohol strapped to its neck wandering the mountains is rather absurd, but another great example of why history is often stranger than fiction, especially when it comes to the genre of dog rescue fiction.
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And look! It has Hennessy!
[quote=outlander]
I also exclude corgis, because I think they are actually mythical creatures misclassified by inept scientists unwilling to admit the existence of magic and true wonder.[/quote]
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Dear Flurge Body Foam,
As a new user of your product, I have to say I am very displeased and currently writing to inform you of this fact. Because the Rite-Aid was out of my regular soap, I decided to pick up a tube of your Cool Ranch-scented body foam, as my wife and I regularly enjoy your prime-time commercials during Dancing With the Stars. Our favorite is the one with the two golfers, where the one golfer smells the other golfer and asks him “Did you wash with Flurge Body Foam today?” Following this, a herd of attractive women suddenly appears on the neatly-manicured fairway and roughs up the one golfer sexually. Then the announcer man says, “Flurge: get Flurged” and the commercial ends.
Yes, we all had a chuckle at these antics. But when a very similar herd of girls appeared this morning and surrounded my car, I failed to see the humor of this event. These girls, while attractive, could not be reasoned with. I sat terrified in my Geo for nearly two and a half hours while they pressed all manner of body parts against the windshield. I was finally able to distract them by honking my horn for two solid minutes, and while they dispersed, it seems like they have not gone far.
Gentlemen, I am a pillar of my community and the owner of several successful hardware stores. While your product does work as advertised, the side effects are highly distracting and I demand to be refunded my $3.85 in full. I hope you will respect my wishes as a fellow businessman.
Yours,
Outlander
Dear Outlander,
We are sorry to hear about your issues with Flurge Body Foam: Cool Ranch Special Edition. We at United Chemical Industries, Inc. are sincerely sorry for your discomfort. Enclosed you will find three free samples of our new Flurge Zesty Taco Hair Cream.
Have a great day, and remember to Get Flurged!
Sincerely,
Consumer Response-Bot #4455878
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http://img696.imageshack.us/img696/4757/lovehinav.jpg
How to Aquire an Anime Harem
I really enjoy mine and I think more men should follow in my footsteps.
Think of the advantages one cleans the house another cooking.Then send most of the rest out to work! You just get their paychecks.!! Oh… always assign at least two or more to be your personal assistants.You know get me a drink,change the channel,Check whats on espn for me…the important guy stuff…
I know some of you can’t afford a harem right now and don’t know how to get the license for one.
Harems are expensive and a lot of trouble. All a guy needs is a bi gf, or a pair of bi gf’s, if he’s up to it. Then you’ll have the occasional nites with a house full of naked women and all but one or two are gone the next day and they are plenty of fun themselves. Keeps life simpler.
Lets look at the down side to this. Always someone going to be PMSing. They will be fighting. They will always be wanting your attention, always be wanting your credit cards to shop (you know women are all after a man’s money), always needing something.You are going to need more than one bathroom, So you might want to rethink this.
But if you are serious about getting one,let me help.
How to Get Yourself an Anime Girl Harem in 10 easy steps
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Be bishonen. The girls won’t love you if you’re not TEH SMECKSY. So start working out.
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Have trouble with your memory, or some other problem you need to overcome. Anime girls really love a guy who can’t remember his past, and has to go on a journey to find things.
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Have the desire to be the greatest at something. Anime girls seem to enjoy a guy with ambition more than someone without it. It helps if you are actually good at something, even if it is sweeping the floor. (Although desiring to be the world’s greatest janitor may not be the thing to attract the babes.)
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Be slow on the uptake. While this is annoying to many anime girls, they seem to be forgiving of a guy if this is his “only” flaw. If you can fake not understanding that she wants you, you’ll get an anime girl’s love even more.
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If an anime girl shows interest in you, don’t automatically return that affection. If she puts her arms around you, don’t return her embrace and pull her close; this will surely put her off. Instead, act like a total idiot. Blush, stammer, and go wide-eyed. Remember: you’re not expecting her to fall in love with you.
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When the next anime girl falls for you, don’t tell her you already have a girlfriend. Instead, follow the instructions in step 5: stammer, blush, and be slow on the uptake. If the first girlfriend calls you out on it, just act stupid and clueless some more.
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Be whiny and angst-ridden. This is more of a recent development. Anime girls of late seem to like a guy that is kind of angsty. Just don’t go overboard on this.
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Protect your harem at all costs. Once you’ve got a couple of babes in love with you, protect them from everyone else. If a guy is making her uncomfortable, intervene and tell them to stop picking on her. Always let her know that you’ll be around to protect her.
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Never refer to any of the girls in your harem as “your woman.” Remember that you’ve got to be slow on the uptake, and you’re just not going to cut it if you actually admit you love any of them.
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When the inevitable fight between girls starts, stop it without taking sides. Remember that you’re supposed to be in love with only one woman, but you can’t admit that you love any of them.
Start your collection Now!
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You forgot the very important “Have more than one bathroom” rule.
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[quote=Froggy]
You forgot the very important “Have more than one bathroom” rule.[/quote]
You should write a short story on Harems from a Female point of view
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[quote=outlander]
[quote=Froggy]
You forgot the very important “Have more than one bathroom” rule.[/quote]
You should write a short story on Harems from a Female point of view[/quote]
I will keep my dirty little fantasies to myself. Besides I don’t share or play well with others, so invariably it would end “…so I buried them in the back yard.”
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THE CANADIAN MENACE
I want to take this time to warn you of a great threat to our country. No, I don’t mean Iran, China or the Taliban, but our little Canuck buddies to the North. Canada has an insidious, secret plot of world domination, and they will stop at nothing to implement it.
Even as I speak they bombard us with moose, watery beer and hockey players. They annually sent wave after wave of cold fronts to disrupt our picnics and car batteries. If you do not believe their malicious intent, they have fostered inhumane plagues of bad actors and Justin Beiber to destroy our culture and to render us tasteless, numb zombies. I know for a fact they are training an army of badgers and wolverines to annoy us. They plan to boycott timber products to speed up the process.
Military analysts have noted quite a bit of suspicious activity in recent months north of the American border. Canada has called up all of its reserves and has mobilized almost its entire force on the US/Canadian border. Responses from Canadian diplomats on the subject have been less than enlightening.
“Nothing for you yanks to worry about, eh?” said the Canadian ambassador to the US.
However, some people have become concerned that Canada is planning an invasion of the United States. It hasn’t been widely reported but Canadian text books no longer have a country called the “United States” in them. 5 years ago the name “United States” was replaced by “New Canada.” There have been other disturbing signs that the Canadian population has been preparing for war as well. Consider this story from an American baseball fan.
“So I’m going up to a Blue Jays game a couple of days ago right? I get completely lost and I stop in this small town for directions. So I pull into this gas station and I notice these guys across the street in a field. They’re putting this spiked armor on a moose! Then I notice they must have had a 100 moose, Meese, Hell I don’t what you call 'em, but they had a 100 of 'them, armored up and looking scarier than all Hell. Then I notice there are dozens of Canadians breaking Molson beer bottles and taping knives on the ends of their hockey sticks. I didn’t know what the Hell they were doing and I sure wasn’t going to ask. All I know is that I got back on the highway and high tailed it straight for home as fast I could.”
Wake Up, America!!!
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I think Justin Beiber counts as an act of war.
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