Ren: At last I have control of your TV set. Are you receiving me? Welcome to our secret headquarters.
Stimpy: Thousands of miles beneath the earth’s crust.
Ren: Shut up you fool! How do we know we can trust them?
Stimpy: We could make them take the oath!
Ren: Perfect! The oath! Put your hand on the TV screen and repeat after me. I do hereby promise only to watch the Ren and Stimpy show. To make underleg noises during the good scenes. To wear unwashed Lederhosen every single day of the rest of my life! That’s it, you’re in our secret club! Alright Stimpy, they’re OK. Show them the stuff.
Powdered Toast Man: Quick, man! Cling tenaciously to my buttocks!
The Pope: Both of them?
Man-Eating Village Idiot: Thou doth possess a great wealth of ignorance.
Ms. Flamiel: "Yakko, can you conjugate?" Yakko: "Who, me? I never even kissed a girl." Ms. Flamiel: "No no no! It’s easy. I’ll conjugate with you." Yakko: “Goodnight, everybody!” - Animaniacs
Morden: "If restoring the Centauri Republic means nothing to you, what does? What do you want?" Vir Cotto: “I’d like to live just long enough to be there when they cut off your head and stick it on a pike as a warning to the next ten generations that some favors come with too high a price. I would look up at your lifeless eyes and wave, like this:”
[He gives Morden a mockingly cheerful finger waggle.] Vir: “Can you and your associates arrange this for me, Mr. Morden?” - Babylon 5 S2 ep. 16 “In the Shadow of Z’ha’dum”
Adam: What are your qualifications? Betelgeuse: Ah. Well…
I attended Juilliard…
I’m a graduate of the Harvard business school.
I travel quite extensively.
I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that.
I’ve seen the EXORCIST ABOUT 167 TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT…
NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU’RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY…
NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK? You think I’m qualified?
Prosecutor: "Are you Captain Lincoln F. Sternn?" Stern: "I am." Prosecutor: “Lincoln Sternn, you stand here accused of 12 counts of murder in the first degree, 14 counts of armed theft of Federation property, 22 counts of piracy in high space, 18 counts of fraud, 37 counts of rape…”
[pauses to check rap sheet] Prosecutor: "… and one moving violation. How do you plead?" Stern: “*Not guilty. *” - Heavy Metal
Dale: Okay, without even thinking about it, just say it. If you were a chick who’s the one guy you’d have sex with?
Dale and Brennan: John Stamos!
Dale: What!
Brennan: Did we just become best friends?
Dale: Yup!
Brennan: You wanna do karate in the basement?
Dale: Yup!
“I will make all the men I love kings. I will make you a king. I will have many young kings, with round, strong arms; and when I am tired of them, I will whip them to death; but you shall always be my king: my nice, kind wise, proud old king.”
Cleopatra to Caesar - Caesar and Cleopatra By George Bernard Shaw
“The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it.”