Panty:
I spent some time in a nail salon today, and I have to say it scared me. There were odors that made it hard to breathe, and it sounded like torture devices were running in the background. Are these places some sort of meeting spots for assassins?
Well, I ordered the Panty and Stocking dvdâs, or were they blue-rays? Anyways, do I need to check for any infections after watching?
Dear Fillet,
meeting spots for assassins? Yes. Also wet demon girls donât smell very good
Panty
Holy crap, weâre in the middle of a crisis, yâall! Manliness is under attack! According to way too many articles to count in the last few months, men have turned into big, fat, commitment-phobic pansy asses.
Look, Iâm not going to argue with the fact that Iâve been disappointed by many of the men Iâve dated over the last few years, who seemed to lack backbone, common courtesy, and resourcefulness, three attributes, by the way, that I like seeing in other women as well. But this idea that dudes wearing scarves is a sign that manliness has gone the way of the dinosaurs? I donât buy it. After the jump, 30 manly things I love that, as far as I can tell, havenât gone anywhere.
1.Stubble
2.Stubbornness
3.Hairy chests
4.That they donât always know the difference between a dress and a skirt
5.Muscled calves
6.Cute butts
7.BVD underwear
8.Bourbon
9.Their unwavering allegiance to bar soap
10.Button-fly jeans
11.Tube socks
12.The desire to take things apart and put them back together
13.Speed Stick deodorant
14.The way he says âbabeâ
15.That he can pick you up
16.Thick eyebrows
17.That super sexy V at his pelvis
18.Happy trails
19.The innate ability to start a fire
20.Stamina
21.That he doesnât know what moisturizer is, let alone use it
22.His strong hands, even though theyâve never seen a manicure
23.Going down for as long as it takes to get you off, which is hopefully not that long, if heâs any good
24.That he treats his mom with respect
25.Graying temples
26.Chivalrous moves, whether we âneedâ them or not, like offering his jacket, opening tight jars, and walking on street grating regardless of whether youâre in heels
27.The inexplicable, fierce and universal love of baseball (or football or videogames) compared to his seething hatred of tabloid magazines (or reality TV or Lady Gaga)
28.Aftershave
29.Bragging about your accomplishments, not his own
30.Musky but subtle B.O. after he works out (or just mows the lawn)
Reminds me of shak. Literally all of it.
[quote=âPretearHimenoâ]
Reminds me of shak. Literally all of it.[/quote]
Even 25?
Thatâs what Just For Men is for. Ah fawk heâs gonna kill me!
1, 2, 3, 6, 9, 11, 12, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 22, 23, 24, 25, 30* *He never smells bad or funky. After doing yard work, I tell him that he âsmells like outside.â
Panty,
I found this picture of some real wimmenz. Why donât you behave like this?
Rish
[quote=âoutlanderâ]
19.The innate ability to start a fire[/quote]
Itâs in the blood!
[quote=âfilletâ]
[quote=âoutlanderâ]
19.The innate ability to start a fire[/quote]
Itâs in the blood![/quote]
And also in the boy scout training.
Fine outlander! Iâll do it! But just this once!
The 9 Types of Boyfriends
Joe Sensitive - âAfter I wash the dishes, letâs cuddle, OK?â
Also known as: Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft-boiled Egg, Snugglepup
Advantages: Well-behaved; irons own shirts
Disadvantages: Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy
Old Man Grumpus - âPeople are stupid. The world can go to hell. Letâs stay home and watch TV.â
Also known as: Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover, Jerk
Advantages: Stays put; predictable
Disadvantages: Royal pain in the ass
Flinchy - âIâIâm sorry for whatever it was I did.â
Also known as: Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you
Advantages: Jumps entertainingly when startled
Disadvantages: Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle
Bigfoot - âShut yer trap, Iâm thinkinâ.â
Also known as: Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big ânâ Dumb
Advantages: Can tote bales; is easily fooled
Disadvantages: Can break you in half, sweats like a pig
Lazybones - âZzzzzzâ
Also known as: Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict
Advantages: Well rested; easy target
Disadvantages: Unlikely to fulfull your dreams
The Sneak - âWho, me?â
Also known as: Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch
Advantages: May feel pangs of guilt
Disadvantages: May be having time of his life
Ace of Hearts - âAfter I wash the dishes letâs make love like crazed weasels, OK?â
Also known as: The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster
Advantages: Perpetually aroused
Disadvantages: Perpetually aroused
The Dreamer - âSomeday Iâm going to be rich and famous. I donât know how, butââ
Also known as: Struggling artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind, Fool
Advantages: Tells good stories
Disadvantages: Will turn into âOld Man Grumpusâ
Mr. Right - âWhile the servants wash the dishes, letâs make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?â
Also known as: Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy
Advantages: Answer to a womanâs prayer
Disadvantages: Hunted to extinction
My wifeâs nick name for me use to be Monster, now itâs Darling or Honey.
I need to go get some Viagra or that testosterone supplement.
I could just stop ironing my own shirts.
[quote=âLongtimeâ]
My wifeâs nick name for me use to be Monster, now itâs Darling or Honey.
I need to go get some Viagra or that testosterone supplement.
I could just stop ironing my own shirts.[/quote]
Losing the lace hem on the dress would help, too⌠B)
I thought Cialis for daily use would be better. To be ready when the moment is right.
Panty what should I do to reclaim my manliness?
Panty, my dvd collection of your show included a heavenâs coin. How much is that worth?
[quote=âLongtimeâ]
I thought Cialis for daily use would be better. To be ready when the moment is right.
Panty what should I do to reclaim my manliness?[/quote]
Obviously you havenât watched enough porn. Here is a list of manly activities guaranteed to get you laid!
Deliver a pizza. It doesnât matter if they ordered one or not, just as long as the person answering the door wants a good time.
Find out where there is a party, rent a cop costume (complete with nightstick and cuffs). Show up to take someone âdowntownâ.
Teach a class of some kind, zero in on attractive and failing students, help give them âextraâ credit.
Find a forest (a cluster of 3 trees or more counts), buy or rent (donât make, that is girly) a loincloth. Locate the manliest tree and climb. Once youâre at the highest branch you can reach, stand as tall as you can, puff out your chest, then beat on it while making your best Tarzan yell. Hunt all animals attracted to your call of the wild. Cook them, eat them, then offer their pelts to bitches.
Take your car to a location frequented by the ladies and remove your shirt. Pop the hood and work on something inside. Even if youâre just taking a wrench and tightening something thatâs already tight. No one will no the difference. Bonus points for sweating.
Walk into a CVS and buy a basketfull of aftershave and condoms. Then walk over to Walgreens and repeat.
Go to a bar wearing a suit (make sure you have a neatly maintained beard). Then constantly spout off The Most Interesting Man in the World lines. Donât smoke cigars or drink Dos Equis? Start.
Best of luck! And if you play your cards right and follow my advice, maybe youâll snag yourself an insatiable angel!
[quote=redshirt1]
Panty, my dvd collection of your show included a heavenâs coin. How much is that worth?[/quote]
One 5 minute spanking from a herpes riddled demon sister! HahahahahahahahaâŚ!
Number 6 is a lot more fun if you take along a friend who is buying Chapstick, FYI.
I am not sure that helps.
What happens if a guy opens the door?
What happens if the person arrested turns out to be a transvestite?
What happen if it is an attractive failing male student?
Not sure if I am ready to go to the dogs?
If I fiddle long enough would the most likely person come over be a guy right?
Was there a congressman that got in trouble for this and a late night stop at the monuments?
Isnât this the thing that would only appeal to men?
6a. I guess it would be fun for two guys, two girls or a mixed couple.
Not sure how cheating on my wife even with a man would regain my manliness?
