AN Forums

The Outlander Memorial Thread


#2738

[size=16]Zen and the Art of Cannibalism[/size]

[quote=outlander]

The proper ethics and Etiquette for those of you who choose a career in Cannibalism[/quote]
Originally posted: May 13, 2013 @ 3:30am


#2739

The Zen part

Unseen hungry ghost
Predator in human skin
Lurks among the herd

Some folks drool for lamb
Others beef, but I prefer
The other red meat

Arcing silver edge
Slices a dark horizon
Full moon or my knife?

God’s hand carves the earth
Canyon river running red
Metaphor in flesh.

Blood on my good shirt:
I just had this damn thing cleaned!
People are so rude.

Sleek steel crimson-graced
Open window into you
Pericardium!

Fresh-plucked beating heart
Just like a ripe tomato
Crush it in my jaws

Warming up the grill:
Home-made chuck on seeded buns.
Long pork for dinner!

Gleaming white arches
Spin around the spinal cord
Horseshoe, played with bones.


#2740

Now to the more practical side of becoming your tribe’s CEO (Chief Eating Officer)

Stay on the Stuff Jobs, not Staff Jobs

Stuff jobs are all about the stuff. They become food for the tribe. That includes raids on neighboring villages, spotting potential food sources inside the tribe, and even spotting the slaves who cannot be used efficiently anymore. These jobs pay with the better parts and the stable flow of food

The Easiest career path is to bcome a food

Life is not easy. Be ready for that. After all the easiest thing is to become food. Do you want that? No. Avoiding that fate is not easy. You can play defensively by trying not to become food without trying to turn others into food, or offensively by taking the option of eating you off the table by eating potential offenders first. In real life you can never use one of these tactics alone; it will always be a mix of offensive and defensive tactics

Have fun doing your Job

First of all, what is your job all about? It’s about eating others. Can you have fun hunting and eating your prey? You’d better, because you are either a hunter or prey. I’ve never met any people having fun while being hunted and eaten.
Hungry and angry are not the traits of a successful cannibal. In fact if he is hungry he is a terrible lousy cannibal, isn’t he?

More cannibalism management career tips later


#2741

Didn’t I see you on a recent episode of Hannibal? :lol:

This would make an interesting and extremely rewarding career.


#2742

Mix and match people

You should apply this to the large categories of people you deal with. It’s true for the people you lead, and especially true for the people you eat. One of the secrets of being a great cannibal chief is knowing how to form a hunting party. That means how to form a team that gets along, avoid being eaten, and bring in food.

Let’s consider an example. Imagine two cannibals in your group are crazy about left ears. Then they become competitors. They both want the left ear of the next victim, and of course there is only one! Clearly it is not the best idea to send them together on the same hunt

On the other hand if one wants the left ear, and the other is crazy for the right ear, you have a perfect match. They will hunt food together as a team, because each of them gets what he wants.
This is not just about personal eating habits; you should match other personal preferences and skills. A cannibal who can track food and a cannibal, who can kill it, are a good match. In contrast, two cannibals who are good at only tracking food might easily become food themselves. Another problem is if one of them likes male food and another prefers female food. If the find multiple set of tracks, they may lose valuable time arguing over which set to follow.

As for the people you eat, that’s just common sense. You must eat a variety of food to be physically fit.


#2743

Common Pieces of Wisdom

Put the people first
And dessert second

All of being a chief cannibal is about self-confidence
How else will other know that they should follow you?

Motivate and energize others
Whether at work, or in the oven

Always make a solution out of a problem
For example, a problem person may be great as food

Have a lot of energy
Especially if you want to slow roast

Prime on execution: deliver the results
Aka food for yourself

Have infectious enthusiasm about your job
… and don’t forget to cook thoroughly, or you risk catching it yourself. Remember heat processing kills bacteria. Get internal temperature to 165f, 180f if the poor thing was a chicken or rat

Give and Get
Never give without getting something back

Go the extra mile
…or two to ensure they cannot catch you

Use your sense of humor
See “Smile!”

Be careful with your sense of humor
Or somebody else will smile


#2744

I would like to throw my vote in for Cannibal Corpse. Fantastic band, steadily improving with “Corpse Grinder” in my opinion. Words to live by! “Screaming in horror for I now remember my fate, I will be submerged in boiling flesh, this cauldron will soon take my life!”


#2745

[size=16]Sex, Decadence and Drunken Stupor in Paradise[/size]

[quote=outlander]

My Adventure in the Caribbean[/quote]
Originally posted: June 23, 2013 @ 3:53am


#2746

Back from St Thomas. We had a great time. Did many sinful things. Our hotel was wonderful with a great staff. We changed planes at Atlanta airport. Gawd, that place is huge. It had more shops and restaurants than most malls.

Several times we went to Megan’s Bay, rated as one of the top ten beaches in the world. It was stunning in it’s beauty. The water was warm and clear and just as blue as the photos show. They had a little cabana-bar that had Beach-bunny waitress who came to where you were lying, took your order and brought it to you. My drink of choice was Pina Coladas and the Waifu’s Strawberry Daquires. When not swimming, we lay on the beach and watched sailboats and big Yachts ply around the outside of the bay.
Lindquist beach is another we visited. It was very secluded and we had it to ourselves for two hours. I tried to talk Waifu into sex on the beach, but she declined. She said sand would get everywhere….


#2747

And now for the decadent part. We went out every night, to bars, nightclubs and sportsbars. Tried several new drinks and ice cold beer We partied and danced until we couldn’t do it anymore. We had some fantastic dinners at great restaurants. The best meal I ever had in my life was at The Banana Tree we both got filet migon steaks with herb roasted potatoes, salad, bread and sherried mushrooms with a bottle of white wine.

Our table was on an open veranda overlooking Charlotte Amalie, the town was lit up and a fully illuminated cruise ship was heading out. A perfect romantic time. Finished with a delicious chocolate brownie wedge


#2748

Had a day dedicated to shopping. Waifu made a beeline to duty free jewelry shops and ran wild. Finally choose a blue Sapphire ring encrusted with diamonds. I surprised her by also getting her the matching necklace. It was about $750, which is about half price for the same thing in the States. We also got clothes, chocolate and stuff.

The art of rum shopping

During our big shopping trip in downtown charroltte amile, I came across what I was looking for, H.R.Riise. It is a Duty and tax Free it is a high end shop full of hard to find luxury items offering luxury brand names in jewelry, watches, china, crystal, collectibles, fragrances and, … is known for its vast selection of popular international name brand & hard-to-find spirits.
As the Waifu looked at other things,I was greeted by a liqueuers salesperson

“I am looking for a unique rum that cannot be found in the U.S.”
“I have several items that fit that description”
He brought out about seven bottles and laid them out on a mahogany bar
“First, try this” as he poured me a shot from a bottle.which I drank
GOOD LORD!
“Wow that’s quite strong”
“All high end rums are at least 120 proof”
“Do you have anything smoother”?
“Why, yes I do. Try this” (another shot)
I’m feeling it now.” yes tha’s ra lttle more refined,anything wiht a sweleter aftertaste?”
“Oh yes. try this”
“oh vyes,we’re pon the right trackc. anytihng sretwee”?
“You’ll love this one.It has the highest suger content. Try”
“wonderful.that’s exacly what qi’m looking foyr!”
“It’s my personal favorite”
“I buyz!”
“How many bottles, sir?”
“Tree”
“I’ll pack three for your flight”
“Tankz you”!
I had seven shots of rum in about 7 minutes
Waifu put me in a taxi for the trip back to the hotel


#2749

On the last full day there I decided to go para-sailing. A fantastic experience. I could see coral reefs schools of fish, sailboats and yachts. I was a couple of 100 feet in the air and all around me were beautiful vistas. AS I was being wrenched in back to the boat, I misjudged the speed of my decent and tripped when landing on the deck. I caught myself with my arms and broke my wrist, although I didn’t realize or feel it at the time. Only during my flight home did it start to be painful.
As for the sex part. Yes. Often. No details here, but those in my group might remember my “bad chibi”” poster. Well, it was like that.

I had invited my TAN harem to join us as I think they could use some decadence too. Maybe next time
Next trip is to San Francisco and the Napa wine country

Will post my pics in a few days


#2750

Sounds like a wonderful time! Sorry about your wrist though. At least you were doing something fun. :slight_smile:

I understand how the Waifu feels about sand! :laugh: :laugh:

As for my invite, I am still waiting for my ticket! Never got it and I was all packed too. Oh well…

As an apology, I shall accept a bottle of that rum. :evil:

Can’t wait for the pics!


#2751

Ah, Atlanta Hartsfield Airport. Sprawl enshrined in acres of concrete.

I’ve been thru there many times, no matter what airline I’m on I have to go thru whatever construction they have going - and they always have construction going - to get to my outbound flight.

Once I set off the security scanners there even stripped down to my skivvy’s. The Security Officer just laughed and shook his head, he said it wasn’t the first time it had happened.

Good times, good times. :blink:

Glad you had fun, waiting for you adventures on the left coast.

Mark Gosdin


#2752

Oh! Sounds like so much fun (except the parasailing part).

I would have really liked to have witnessed the rum shopping part, sounds like this guy knows how to sell…

Although I’m not much of a water fan, I can appreciate lying next to it on a beach.

And, I can’t believe you found a pic of a Corgi in a beach chair… only you.


#2753

Bummer about the wrist, hope it heals alright. Sounds like you two had a great time, what’ve you got planned for the next one? Ever since I got my passport I have not traveled anywhere outside of work and it’s killing me!!!


#2754

[quote=“fillet”]
what’ve you got planned for the next one?[/quote]

Next trip is to San Francisco and the Napa wine country

[quote=fillet]
Ever since I got my passport I have not traveled anywhere outside of work and it’s killing me!!![/quote]

Visit an Under-develop County, with primitive natives…like Arkansas


#2755

Here, let me fix that for you. :slight_smile:

Mark Gosdin


#2756

The view from our room balcony. The pool and deck directly below us


#2757

The hotel bar veranda