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Wow, already made into a movie. :ohmy:
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[quote=outlander]
[/quote]
I am scared of surfing the internet! I may run into these troubling images that Outlander seems to find! 
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http://img580.imageshack.us/img580/1078/deadmanwonderlandcharac.jpg
Greetings From Anime Prison
Hello All,
Pretear here. You might be wondering why I havenât been to the forums lately. I have been incarcerated in the Anime Womenâs Correctional Facility. Itâs unfair, really. How was I to know that molesting 14 year old catboys was illegal? When the Judge asked me if I regretted anything, I had to confess I was sorry I nailed them in front of the Local PETA office.
Anime prison is crass, low-brow, violent and grotesque. Sort of like Lunch hour at the TAN office cafeteria.
I have two cell-mates, and they are here because they both have boyfriend issues. One of them, Lum, in a fit of jealousy, electrocuted her boyfriend and the other, Naru Narusegawa, bludgeoned hers to death with her fists. At least they are better than the cell next door. Thatâs where Lady Death is. She seems to really go through cell-mates.
There are some Magical girls here also. Man, let me tell you, those sailor suits lose their cute sexiness when they get grimy and smelly. They all snore like pigs. They also go take showers at the same time. Iâm starting to suspect something⌠Not surprisingly, Ramna1/2 loves it here. Evangeline of Negima is here. She is vampire and a maguse People avoid her at lunch time.
The female mech pilots are all in the psych ward in strait jackets. , Some people pay good money to get tied up like this.
There was a gang fight in the exercise yard yesterday, the Lucky Stars and Hidamari clique⌠There was a lot of intense singing, dancing and polite manners. It was too much. I had to turn away.
Thereâs a lot of American cartoon characters here convicted of impersonating Anime. They are at the bottom of the pecking order here and rightfully so.
I have to go. They are serving half-cold Miso soup and dirty rice balls in the cafeteria. Thatâs it for now. More later. Please send me some Pocky
Pretear
Cellblock H
Anime Womenâs Correctional Facility
Austin, Texas
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So, that is where Pretear has been! Good one Outlander!
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Pretear: Outlander, you foxy son of a bitch. However, the pocky is much appreciated. We trade it like cigarrettes here. For what is none of your f*cking business.
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Out of pure compassion I really most go visit her. :whistle:
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Mind if I tag along with you Shawn?.. For Compassionâs sake of course!
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You create a very vivid image as to what anime prison is like pretear. I would also like to say I think the anime impersonators should be put on rations maybe that will help them see the wrong that they have done.
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I knew Outlander would find our missing girl! :laugh:
I will visit you Pretear and I will bring you lots of Pocky!
(and maybe even a catboy too!)
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http://img195.imageshack.us/img195/4021/2ynrrr8.jpg
MrsRishâs Guide on How To Bathe Your Cat
Some people say cats never have to be bathed. They say cats lick themselves clean. They say cats have a special enzyme of some sort in their saliva that works like New, Improved Wisk - dislodging the dirt where it hides and whisking it away.
Iâve spent most of my life believing this folklore. Like most blind believers, Iâve been able to discount all the facts to the contrary - the kitty odors that lurk in the corners of the garage and dirt smudges that cling to the throw rug by the fireplace.
The time comes, however, when a man must face reality; when he must look squarely in the face of massive public sentiment to the contrary and announce: âThis cat smells like a port-a-potty on a hot day in Juarez.â When that day arrives at your house, as it has in mine, I have some advice you might consider as you place your feline friend under your arm and head for the bathtub:
Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on the advantage by selecting the battlefield. Donât try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding-glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker that a politician can shift positions.)
Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself. I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face mask and a long-sleeve flak jacket.
Prepare everything in advance. There is not time to go out for a towel when you have a cat digging a hole in your flak jacket. Draw the water. Make sure the bottle of kitty shampoo is inside the glass enclosure. Make sure the towel can be reached, even if you are lying on your back in the tepid water.
Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice you strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule. If he does notice your garb, calmly explain that you are taking part in a product testing experiment for J.C. Penney. Cats are gullible that way!)
Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo. You have begun one of the wildest 45 seconds of your life. Cats have no handles when wet. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded. Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy. Heâll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record isâfor catsâthree latherings, so donât expect too much.)
Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at the point and the cat is just getting really determined. In fact, the drying is simple compared to what you have just been through. Thatâs because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg. You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.Do not put the cat in the clothes Dryer, as the spinning will make the Kitty vomit
In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you. He might even become psycho-ceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine. You will be tempted to assume he is angry. This isnât usually the case. As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you the next time you decide to give him a bath. But, at least now he smells a lot better.
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:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: This is so true! Great job Outlander!
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I almost think I would rather leave him stinky then have to go through all thatâŚ
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LOL! Well done! You really make me laugh with these tales!
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working on
âSnowy Stampede: My Life as an Anime Wizardâ
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An actual* coversation
http://img40.imageshack.us/img40/8484/pbarn.png
LIVE FROM KANSAS:BARN WISDOM !!
shankajew: Pretear,I would like to set aside some time every day for a little bit of BARN WISDOM
just you and me swapping BARN WISDOM. I will let you have the honor of starting this new feature (BARN WISDOM). So, Pretear, what kind of BARN WISDOM do you have for us today???
Pretear: shankajew,here is some BARN WISDOM âdonât give two hoots whether there are owls in your barn - although they can be screechy, they are also useful to get rid of those pesky mice that are eating all your cornâ
shankajew: some fine BARN WISDOM
Pretear: thank you
shankajew: Pretear, - if i may share some BARN WISDOM myselfâŚI looking to capture the heart of a gentle belle? show her you know how to take care of your barn. a fresh coat of red paint will not only make you look like a first class farmer, but will give your hogs, horses, and hay something to smile about.
Pretear: great BARN WISDOM!! top notch! Shank, we should probably videoblog this. do you know of any barns where we can do this? i do but in england
shankajew: Pretear, there was a barn in indianaâŚ
Pretear: maybe we can go there, video some BARN WISDOM
shankajew: I think that barn was destroyed and a subdivision built on its ruins
Pretear: noooooo⌠I told you about my grandfatherâs farm, in Plymouth .There was a horse that lived in the fields, Now it all cheap housing. Itâs really really weird,
Shank
Shankajew: Pretear,I think this BARN WISDOM feature needs to remain objective., no personal details., no emotion or heart, just pure wisdom
Pretear: yes,I agree
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Itâs uncanny how youâve been able to recreate our pillow talk so effortlessly.
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Outlander: You, shak, me and teh waifu should double date sometime.
Pretear: Iâm not sure about this outlander.
Outlander: No, itâll be great. Weâll go to Chiliâs.
Pretear: Canât resist that 2 for 20$ deal can you?
Outlander: Itâs not about being cheap.
Pretear: You are cheap.
Outlander: I am in banking!
Pretear: You were in banking, youâre retired now. And you canât use just any opportunity to yell out âIâm in bankingâ. Look, youâve scared off the pigeons.
Outlander: I hate pigeons. They killed my brother in '69.
Pretear: No they didnât.
Outlander: I said 69. Pretear? Did you hear me? I said-
Pretear: Weâre not double dating.
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Will you still buy me lunch? I donât haz monies now that I donât work. Also they did kill my brother and tenticle-raped my sister. Wait⌠pigeons haz tenticles?
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[quote=outlander]
Wait⌠pigeons haz tenticles?[/quote]
Youâve out ridiculousâd yourself outlander. Kudos for having a pic for literally every occasion though.
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