Very good, Outlander!
Not for me, of course, but still…
That was wonderful!I’m so happy that I was in one of you stories! :laugh: I think I got the clumsy thing down pretty well. :silly: And I am always laughing and smiling around my friends not so much with other people though. Maybe I should take my own advice. :laugh:
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Very nicely done, Outlander! :cheer: That fits our little Forest just perfectly! Congrats Forest… you are Outlander’s latest victim… LOL!
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That was great! I took notes! 
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What Girls are allowed to do
If you have been paying attention over the past few weeks you might have noticed that about half of the population in the United States is upset. Women (henceforth “girls”), being a flighty, emotionally unstable species, seem a bit confused about where certain boundaries are to be found in a civil society. You can hear their screeching over the airwaves. “Give us slut pills!” or “Take your science sticks out of our sin-pits!” they cry. Perhaps it’s their time of the month?
The confusion is understandable. In this pastel-draped world of smoothed edges there is no fatherly voice to command them. They require the certitude that only a firm instruction from a man can give them. They need to be told.
Girls, here’s what you’re allowed to do:
You are allowed to keep it neat. Does your husband play golf in a jungle? Of course not. Girls, take care of yourself. No husband is going to buy a house with a filthy yard with weeds growing out into the front walkway. It’s called curb appeal. Even if you’re in a marriage, it’s your responsibility to remain in a prepubescent downstairs state until menopause or your husband’s third mistress.
Also, be aware of your odor. We call it “the stink lines factor.” If you want to know what you smell like take off your pants and sit on your spotless kitchen floor and drag your butt around like a dog with worms. Then have a whiff of your streak. Does it smell nice? No? Then you aren’t doing something right.
You are absolutely free to use contraception, just don’t expect men to pay for it. That’s against religion. Birth control pills? It’s not like we use the stuff. And there’s that pill they call the abortion pill. Sounds pretty terrible. Is that like you take a fizzy tablet and five minutes later this thing drops out of you looking like a baby bird that fell from a bakest ball backboard? No thanks.
You can operate battered girls’ shelters, but you have to acknowledge that sometimes girls batter men. Change them to just battered people shelters - a safe place for everyone subjected to violence in a relationship - and accept men into them. Yes, even hulking men wearing ski masks and carrying Rambo knives. Buzz him through, toots. Are you a misandrist?
Since more girls are graduating college than men we are allowed to wolf-whistle and smack butts again. All around you need to learn to respect PUA methodology. Read at least one PUA manual so the next time you get negged about your hair by a fat guy wearing an anime t-shirt you will respect his effort and respond favorably to his escalating kino.
You may video yourself and post it on the Internet. You owe this to us, you birth control piggy. Some man somewhere will find just anything you do sexy and you owe it to him, as a girl, to provide maximum titillation. In fact, label all your videos with email addresses so that men can send in suggestions about what to do in future videos.
You cannot even conceive of how sexually gross we are and it’s your job to cater to that grossness.
You may clean everything. Girls, men are far too busy with their car repairs and their downloading pornographies to help you clean up. Mop the kitchen, vacuum the den, wipe down our toilets and scrub everything we smear with our filth. You want every surface in your house to be clean enough to eat from, mostly because that’s what we want you to do in your next video.
You can cook. Or maybe that should be you’d better cook. You’ll never snag a husband microwaving soft pretzels. If you’re extra nice to your husband, he might even allow you to run the barbecue a little bit while we are refilling the cooler.
Raise our babies. You make them soft, we’ll toughen them up and turn the boys into miniature version of ourselves. Yes, we are going to teach them to cuss. If you didn’t want that you should have sent them to Hogwarts.
If you follow these simple rules, respect your boundaries, listen to your husband, keep your voice down, give us our space when it’s “that time of the month” and generally be a pleaser, things will work out just fine for you.
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Alrighty then. Packing up and moving back to my island!!! 
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PRODUCT DEVELOPMENT
An Actual* conversation
Wicca: ok, I’m listening
Outlander: okay… are you sitting down?
Wicca: yes
Outlander: Are you sitting down?
Wicca: okay… wait… yes
Outlander: okay, you know you can go to a store, right? And in the store there is a freezer section,
and in that freezer section they have ice creams of different types
Wicca: yes, ok… I am with you
Outlander: well one kind of ice cream you can buy is Neapolitan, that’s where it has three flavors together
Wicca: ok
Outlander: you know strawberry, chocolate, vanilla. Well I have this idea for neapolitan corndogs
Wicca: yes
Outlander: okay… the hotdog inside is divided into three sections. one is beef, one pork, one turkey,
so like as you eat this corndog, you’re getting different meats as you progress through it
Wicca: what about chicken?
Outlander: well, that would be an option too. so like you could divide the actual hot dog in 4 sections lengthwise. and one section would be beef, the next pork, the next turkey, the next chicken
Wicca: what about chocolate?
Outlander: well, there is no such thing as chocolate hot dogs, Wicca
Wicca: so the last one is chocolate it would be be like dessert
Outlander: well i guess. I mean that might work, but keep in mind this is a corndog
a neapolitan corndog !! What do you think?
Wicca: that is amazing!!!
Outlander: i thought so as well
Wicca: but you cant really call it neapolitan unless it comes from naples are you from naples?
Outlander: well the neapolitan ice cream isn’t actually from naples
Outlander: i mean maybe it was originally, okay? but it’s been co-opted by the world
Wicca: I would buy it
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Chocolate - yes! I would buy it!
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urk
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ok these stories are epic
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Read this if you dare :evil:
[details=spoiler]
Ever wonder how Traffic officer gets through a trying day? Here is their code of living
- Have a Cup of coffee handy to pour on your partner’s lap while they pull out of the garage
- Never wear shorts if your directing traffic
- make sure your mace sprayer is full
- Wish for all Baka to Stay Home!!!
- Ignore all rules and eat donuts on break
(if I offend any officers, forgive me)[/details]
its randomness
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[size=16]A salute to the TAN-ettes[/size]
[quote=Outlander]
Yes, This thread is dedicated to honor the Female members of our forum. Who bless us with their grace and charm[/quote]
Originally posted: September 14, 2010 @ 7:55pm
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SALUTE!!
O.K. salute is over. Now get back to the kitchen and make me a sammich,and wear that maid outfit I bought you
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Salute!
Edit: Now ,ladies, get on that table so I can practice my Vulcan message methods on you. They are all the rage in the holo suites.
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Can… can there be a parade of some kind?
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If it involves stripper poles, yes.
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[quote=shankajew]
If it involves stripper poles, yes.[/quote]
You’re going to get on the pole for us. That’s so sweet.
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Get out of here you penis haver!
And, I second what Froggy says… -whispers- French maid costume…
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Ask and you shall receive Himeno!
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But seriously, photos exist of shak in a French maid’s outfit. -closes eyes, leans back and breathes in deeply- Yes… that was a special time.
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